Raising Reeve

We named our firstborn Reeve Melody. Reeve comes from Old English and has origins back to the days of feudalism. A reeve had charge in the manor and was considered a steward/officlal. We decided on her name three days before my due date and being the hippies we are, we both placed our hands on my belly and spoke her name to her and told her we were ready for her to come. My birth started an hour later.

Before she was conceived, her dad woke up one morning and told me about a dream he had just had. He had dreamt that he was a father to a beautiful little girl. The dream had a profound effect on him and he told me after that he was ready to have a family. Three months later I found out I was pregnant and when we had our midwife over she told us my due date was January 31, 2016. We looked back at his journals and discovered that he had his dream on January 31, 2015. Exactly a year earlier. When we did our gender reveal party we cut into the cake and it was pink. We were having a little girl. There was a few other miraculous signs that happened concerning our Reeve that I hope to get into another day. Needless to say, she is very special to us.

When I became a mother, I started to have a strong inclination that I wanted to spend my time uncovering who my daughter was, not who I wanted her to be. Of course I wanted to teach her things I think are important, but I have always desired to know her unique temperament and personality. And in a shocking twist, I see so much of myself and Casey in her. She’s very reserved and thoughtful. It takes her a long time to warm up to people and places and new ideas. She’s very particular about what she eats and how it is presented on her plate. I’m learning to celebrate her quietness and independent spirit. The thing that has struck me the most about raising a quiet, tender heart is the pull our society puts on introverted children to become extraverted. She has friends but gets lost in most big groups. She comes alive when she’s with one friend at a time. And she really comes alive when she has a friend over to her house. She is a creative type and when left alone for a while she is always coming up with a creative craft, building a fort, or creating new games for us to play. She loves having long periods of free time and thrives when our schedule is very similar each day.

I have to remind myself often that it is ok when she hangs back when in a large group of friends and it is ok when she clings to me and takes what I feel like is forever to warm up. She is my special one. I broke down crying the other night because I realized how much of myself I saw in her when it came to her introversion. I cried because I realized the weight of being different in a culture that values being outgoing and having a zillion friends and being busy with social plans all day long. Things like that take so much energy for quiet folks like us. And that’s the beauty of parenting. You learn so much about yourself when you can slow down and really get to know them. I love taking little moments where I focus my attention on her and really truly try and see who she is as a person. I’ve realized that so much of me is reflected in her. One of the greatest pieces of advice I was given in respecting to parenting was this: Treasure your child. That one sentence has changed so much for me. It’s allowed me to take time and intentionally figure out who my child is, and love her for that.

Here’s a few resources that have helped me so much on understanding introversion in children and on learning how to love my daughter more completely!

Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk

Quiet: The Power of Introverts with Susan Cain (a ten-part podcast series on parenting and teaching introverted children)

Pure Joy! by Crystal Wade and Arthur Burk

The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson

Alyssa