A Note on Comparison
I noticed it coming out a lot in the months leading up to Reeve starting kindergarten. And then, slowly as the year progressed, it became almost a constant thought. “Did I make the right choice?,” I would mull this thought over and over in my mind. Sometimes it would be easier to wonder because it had been a rough day or I had seen a friends picture of a fun theme day at school but other times we would have had a great day/week/month and I would still question if I had made the right choice to homeschool her.
I felt ashamed even questioning it. It was a choice I had not made lightly. I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights I spent awake thinking and praying about it. I sought the answer through many avenues and took much time thinking and ruminating what my desires for our family life really were.
Comparison. It’s not a phonetically beautiful word is it? Just even saying it makes me squinch my face. I don’t like to admit that it’s something I have to deal with on a daily basis. I like to think of the time period that I romanticize in my head (the prairie days) and how it would have been so much nicer and easier to not have been able to know what everyone else was doing or not doing all the time. But alas, there’s the Little House on the Prairie books where Nelly is always showing off her latest material possessions much to the chagrin of Laura. There’s the Olsen store where people meet to talk and inevitably where there is people there is an element of comparison. It has had a place since the beginning.
Here’s my thoughts on it, the pep talk I give myself when I start to go down the comparison rabbit hole: What if you were knew yourself on such a deep level, you were so acquainted with what would and wouldn’t work for you, with the path you were taking in life, that you stopped questioning the decisions you had made when you see the decisions other people made?
I guess that’s where I am at in my life. In the place of trying to live so deeply connected to my purpose and aware of the dreams and goals and desires that I have for myself and our family that when I see others going a different way or doing things differently, it really shouldn’t be a cause for me to go down the rabbit hole of comparison. Living with this kind of intention has helped me to know and accept that my path is different from others and it has allowed me to be open to see the blessings that are flowing in each one of our lives.